Any Cost
by SiuanSedai
Summary: Rand and Moiraine realise that they have more in common than they thought.


**Any Cost**

Moiraine was a block of ice, not a woman. Egwene had wondered if that was what happened to all Aes Sedai. Would she herself become so coldly dedicated to a goal, that everyone was to be used in pursuit of that goal, and that every single thing she did was to further her aim? Would she, one day, tell someone outright that if they hindered her plans, she would not hesitate to kill them?

Admittedly the circumstances _were_ extreme. Everyone hoped that the Dragon would never be reborn; he was as bad as the Dark One in most people's eyes. With the power at his disposal, if Rand turned to the Dark One… Egwene didn't want to think about what would happen. But to do as Moiraine had, and tell him frankly that if he ever seemed likely to be turned away from the Light… if that was what Tar Valon turned people into, Egwene wasn't sure that she wanted to go there.

Then Rand had changed. He was less Rand al'Thor now; the innocent shepherd was almost lost, hidden behind the face of the Dragon Reborn. Egwene wondered how long it would be before he went mad. She didn't want to find out. When she talked to Rand, it was as if he had lived a lifetime in the time she took to live a year. It was like talking to a seasoned warrior who had led many battles. Egwene thought that often, the boy she had grown up with was more Lews Therin than Rand al'Thor. But she refused to think of him as partly Lews Therin _Kinslayer_. Rand wouldn't do anything like that. Would he?

For all their differences, Rand and Moiraine were more similar than Egwene could ever have expected. One a shepherd brought up in a village so remote it had forgotten it was part of a kingdom; the other a Cairhinien lady who, if Tar Valon had been able to persuade her, would have been Cairhien's queen. But despite the arguments, the different opinions and the constant clashes of will, Egwene could compare the two's behaviour and note it as almost identical.

Moiraine was no longer the only one using anyone and anything to get her way. Egwene tried not to be horrified by what Rand did – it wasn't his fault, _saidin_ was affecting the gentle boy she had once expected to marry – but she couldn't help the disgust that she felt at some of his actions. The threats he handed out, the manipulations he wove around the lords, and the ease with which he assumed leadership… Egwene hated what her first love had become, and she blamed Moiraine for showing him how.

Egwene could hear the two arguing again. Unusually, they were shouting – normally Egwene would hear a harsh word from one of them, and then Moiraine would sweep out of Rand's study with her skirts gripped angrily in her fists – but the privacy wards that Rand always created meant that Egwene could not hear clearly what was being said. She wondered what they were arguing about. It must be something important to rouse Moiraine's temper so much.

After a few minutes of shouting, the voices ceased. Egwene thought that she had better go and talk to Rand. Someone needed to calm him down; even though he no longer trusted her, maybe she could prevent him from using _saidin_ accidentally in anger.

--

Moiraine could have strangled him. Her hands were still as death, an obvious sign that she was having to stop herself from manually throttling the boy… the man, she reminded herself. He had been a stubborn boy when she found him in the Two Rivers; now he was an inflexible young man.

Rand paced the room, shouting as he did so. Moiraine tried to use the Power to silence him, but she realised that she could not reach it. A moment of panic flashed through her. What was Rand doing? Was he trying to still her? Then she realised that she could still feel _saidar_ behind an invisible barrier, and let out a sigh of relief. The sound snapped Rand out of his rant. He stopped still, a foot or so away from her

"What's the matter? Scared of the Dragon Reborn?" he mocked. Moiraine looked into his taunting grey eyes, and slapped him. "What did you do that for?" he asked, catching her arm.

"Let me go," she said coldly. Rand didn't release his grip on her arm, and so she slapped the other side of his face. He grabbed her hand, and bent down to whisper in her ear.

"Don't do that again," he said quietly. "People who attack me tend to get what they deserve." He drew back to see the effect his words had on her. Moiraine looked steadily at him, not showing the slightest sign of intimidation.

"Blood and ashes, does anything other than defeating the Dark One ever bother you, Moiraine?" he exclaimed. "What are you made out of, ice?"

"I do what I have to do," Moiraine said coolly. "As you should." Rand snorted.

"Oh, of course. I should do exactly what you say and dance on Tar Valon's apron strings – until they gentle me, of course – and everything will automatically be wonderful?" he said sarcastically.

"The Tower will never gentle you. How can you face the Dark One if you have been gentled?" Moiraine pointed out. Rand stared at her, shaking his head.

"You really are cold, aren't you?" he said. It was a rhetorical question.

Rand didn't know what possessed him Rand the shepherd would never have done it. Lews Therin would have, and the Dragon part of his personality had become the majority of him.

"Maybe it's possible to make you passionate about something," he said, and before Moiraine could work out what he was talking about, he was kissing her.

--

Egwene couldn't believe what she saw when she walked into the room. Two minutes ago, Rand and Moiraine had been screaming at each other so loudly that she was surprised neither of them had lost their voices. Now they were pressed so close together that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began.

She tried to leave silently, but a smashed vase under her feet made her slip and fall to the ground with a thump. Rand and Moiraine jumped apart, and Egwene stared at them, then at the floor.

"I'll come back later," she mumbled, before dashing out of the room. Why did she feel betrayed? Rand wasn't hers, and she had accepted that. She hadn't felt so off-balance when he was with Elayne… Egwene clenched her fists as she thought of how Elayne would feel if she found out.

--

Rand and Moiraine looked at each other. What was there to say? Rand sighed.

"I'm sorry," he admitted. "I shouldn't have said some of the things I said."

"Neither should I," Moiraine conceded. There was a pause.

"Do you really not care about anything other than defeating the Dark One?" Rand asked. Moiraine considered what to say.

"I do what I must, Rand," she said. "I have always done so." Rand nodded slowly.

They were all too similar, really. They both had causes to fight for. They both had to do things that once upon a time, they would never have even considered. They had both given up who they were, in order to become someone more suited to their intentions. They were both alone.

Rand knew it was a bad idea. He knew he would hurt Elayne. But he wished for just a few more moments of closeness with someone who understood. This time, he kissed her gently.

--

"This cannot continue," Moiraine said quietly. Rand nodded resignedly. He knew that there could never be a relationship between them. "I must go." Rand nodded again. He watched her cross the room. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what.

Rand felt a sudden wave of affection for the Aes Sedai. He almost wished that he loved her, because he wanted someone who could know how it felt to abandon the values he grew up with to become an instrument of his own plans. But he knew that he didn't love Moiraine. They had too much history of distrust and arguing for that.

Rand closed his eyes and focused on the void. The flame in the void served as a distraction from the thoughts dominating his mind. He didn't need understanding to defeat the Dark One. All he needed was the Dragon Reborn, and that was what he would be.

The flame flickered, and Rand could feel the taint of _saidin_ there, turning his stomach and making him want to release the void. But it didn't matter how much he suffered. All he had to do was defeat the Dark One. Just defeat him… even if the cost was Rand al'Thor.


End file.
